i know. i know. im not late. i just died cameback alive. what can i say alot happened. to be honest these past few months pass by me so fast. it's not i couldn't get a grip it's just. i couldn't get up. i couldn't have a stand. errm.. how do i explain.. it's something like drowning but everything around you is breathing.
i started detaching myself from everything. from my life itself. then another grenade exploded, out of no where. i was diagnosed with anxiety and i had my first anxiety attack when i was having my finals. it was rough. the worst part was everyone knew i was in pain and something was wrong but all they did was " hey you okay? the bell just rang, you oughta leave" and there was even worst the ones that sat right next to me and started laughing. i don't even have the energy to hate or curse anyone. im just really tired.
i started skipping school. i'm not smoking pot or anything. i just stay at home and do stuff. maybe because i started pushing people away. maybe because i lost my confidence bit by bit and then all at once. maybe that's because i started gaining weight and that brought me more attention which i don't like cause i have social anxiety. i don't like being in the center of attention because i get scared , my heart starts racing and everything just goes blank. but i can't help it my medication does that. it increases my appetite. how am i suppose to control that?
the worst part is my medication is very high so when i eat it by two hours i get sleepy. i'm suppose to eat it by 6 and by 8 im out. how am i suppose to study? life got tough for me. never would i ever imagine i would be in this situation in my life. i miss myself. my old self. help me.
For better or for worse
and for the lack of better words
i here by end my speech
right here
~ sita
